My irritating neighbour is blasting music on her phone as she walks past. The banglas downstairs are quarreling after getting drunk on cheap beer. The cats are screeching and having a, duh, catfight. But they do all these every day (to my distress). So what makes this day any more different from the rest? I have never bothered much about my own birthday because I think it’s a day like any other. The neighbour will not be more considerate, and neither will the banglas nor the cats stop fighting. But there are people nice enough to celebrate it with me, and I’m grateful for that, and all the well wishes. Plus, it’s a good day to reflect.
这个世界 有时候 不太公平
23 years have gone by. I ask myself, what have I done? Nothing much worth mentioning actually. At my age, many of my peers have set up companies, won competitions, published articles, i.e. generally much more accomplished than me. Unfortunately, my sense of accomplishment comes from things like successfuly dislodging that offending piece of meat that has been stuck between my teeth and irking me for the past 1 hour. (hey I’m sure many of you have had this experience ok)
No la I was joking. I guess I haven’t really done anything that would make my 祖宗十八代 proud. But I feel happy when people tell me they like the rubbish I write. I gain satisfaction when my tuition kids make improvement in their work. Or even just finally understanding the question I’ve been explaining for the past half an hour. And that’s enough for me. I think that’s just how I’ve lived for the past 23 years. I’m not ambitious or anything..I just want to lead an ordinary life. I don’t aim high, just enough to get by. And I’m content with that. Or is that just lazy and unmotivated? I don’t know.
Indeed, many things change when you grow up. Liking something when you were younger doesn’t mean you’ll still like it now. E.g. I like to eat fish a lot, and I still like it now. I used to like eating enoki mushrooms last time, and my mom still thinks I like it and always asks me to eat more of it. But I can’t for my life imagine why I liked it last time – now I eat a bunch of them and only half goes into my stomach. The other half gets stuck in my teeth fml.
Anyway. People change too. And sometimes we don’t realise it ourselves. The innocent carefree laughter of my students reminds me of how wonderful it was to be a kid – the greatest worry you had was probably what to play when you finished your homework. And it reminds me that in a time not long ago (or so I believe) I was once like them too – not giving a heck about the world. But somehow somewhere during the process of growing up, I’ve become the person I am today.
As Magneto says to Mystique, “you want society to accept you but you can’t even accept yourself”. Sometimes, looking into the mirror and accepting what’s there can be the hardest thing on earth to do. But I think I am getting better at that now, one step at a time.
I have been accused of being a tsundere by two of my friends. Am I one? I don’t know..maybe I have unconsciously become one over the years. I guess it is a kind of defense mechanism for me. I don’t warm up easily to anyone. I still don’t. But I am glad some stick around long enough for this malfunctioning iron to heat up.
这星球 天天有五十亿人 在错过
多幸运 有妳一起看星星 在争宠
There are so many people in the world around us, that it seems almost magical how we manage to meet those who leave a mark in our lives. No, I haven’t had the luxury or the opportunity to watch the stars with all those who matter to me, but there are enough fond memories to last me a lifetime (I don’t plan to live very long in the first place). Some I’ve lost contact totally, some I still fortunately (or unfortunately) keep in touch with and there are others who pop in occasionally to remind me that they exist.
(There are also those I only contact on FB twice a year – once on their birthday and once on mine..at times like this I wonder what FB is really about)
I don’t have superhuman powers, supergenius talents or supermodel looks but I consider it a superordinary blessing that there are still people around me who care enough to touch my life in one way or another, at different points of my life.
Suddenly I am reminded of what my maths teacher said when teaching probability – ten cats are black doesn’t mean all cats are black. Haha. As long as we see a white cat, there is hope. I think this isn’t limited only to romance though. There are ups and downs in life, and what doesn’t kill me makes me stronger. But it’s the bright sparks that give me a reason to continue moving on. And I am grateful for all the bright sparks in my life till now, no matter how short-lived they might be.
Simple things make me happy. They still do. Just that occasionally I forget that they can. I hope I remember it more often in the years to come.