I just spent close to half an hour trying to explain to my student the difference between the rectum and the anus, and why one was located higher up than the other. (All the while within audible range of his parents) Luckily he understood in time…I almost resorted to drawing diagrams. I love teaching primary school science.

On another note, here are two excerpts from another lesson:

Student: What are Eskimos? Are they something like humans?

Me: They ARE humans!

Student: What! I thought they were aliens! Or a kind of animal or something…

(In case any Eskimos are reading this, please forgive the boy – he’s only 11 this year and hasn’t seen much of the world.)

(Although I haven’t seen an Eskimo myself as well.)

From a passage on Shakespeare that goes something like that:

“He was married to Anne Hathaway. Their marriage created a lot of gossip as Shakespeare was much younger than his wife.”

Student: Why was there a lot of gossip?

Me: Because he was much younger than her.

Student: So?

Me: Generally, there will be gossip when the girl is much older than the guy. It’s ok if it’s the other way round.

Student: Why?

Me: …

Good question. How do I explain that to an 11 year old? Haha. So as usual, I told the standard lie all grownups tell children:

You’ll know when you grow up.

(I realise I’ve put Shakespeare and rectums in the same post. But what the heck.)