I found this list of worst expressions used by students in their compositions and had a good laugh over it. So I decided to repost it here, along with some comments of my own (I couldn’t resist). There’s actually 56 of them but I only selected the ones I thought were funny.
Apparently the Washingtonpost held a contest in which high school teachers sent in the “worst” analogies they’d encountered in grading their students’ papers over the years.
The worst/best analogies of high school students
1. Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the center.
2. He was as tall as a 6′3″ tree. you can leave the tree out of the picture, actually.
3. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met. same for the hummingbirds.
4. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.
5. The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant. the dog totally destroyed my mental image of her gracefulness.
6. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a land mine or something. you mean the duck survived?
7. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever. yea you too.
8. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was room-temperature Canadian beef. how romantic.
9. The lamp just sat there, like an inanimate object.
10. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.
11. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at asolar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it. i believe it’s called a pinhole camera…
12. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do. duh.
13. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t. so why mention it?
14. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze. not many people would use ‘glistening’ to describe nose hairs..
15. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease. are you still using the frying pan?
16. He felt like he was being hunted down like a dog, in a place that hunts dogs, I suppose. you won’t be getting very high marks, I suppose.
17. She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs. how about a millipede with 998 missing ones?
18. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.
19. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while. thanks..i was wondering what ‘hungry’ meant.
20. It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the wall.
21. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.
22. The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the period after the Dr. on a Dr Pepper can.
23. Her date was pleasant enough, but she knew that if her life was a movie this guy would be buried in the credits as something like “Second Tall Man.” hey i thought this was quite good actually..lol.
24. The thunder was ominous-sounding, much like the sound of a thin sheet of metal being shaken backstage during the storm scene in a play.
25. The red brick wall was the color of a brick-red Crayola crayon.
26. Her pants fit her like a glove, well, maybe more like a mitten, actually.
27. Fishing is like waiting for something that does not happen very often.
28. They were as good friends as the people on “Friends”.
29. He was as bald as one of the Three Stooges, either Curly or Larry, you know, the one who goes woo woo woo.
30. It came down the stairs looking very much like something no one had ever seen before.
31. Bob was as perplexed as a hacker who means to access T:flw.quid55328.com\aaakk/ch@ung but gets T:\flw.quidaaakk/ch@ung by mistake.
32. You know how in “Rocky” he prepares for the fight by punching sides of raw beef? Well, yesterday it was as cold as that meat locker he was in.
33. The dandelion swayed in the gentle breeze like an oscillating electric fan set on medium.
34. The sunset displayed rich, spectacular hues like a .jpeg file at 10 percent cyan, 10 percent magenta, 60 percent yellow and 10 percent black.
And what I personally thought was the best:
35. I felt a nameless dread. Well, there probably is a long German name for it, like Geschpooklichkeit or something, but I don’t speak German. Anyway, it’s a dread that nobody knows the name for, like those little square plastic gizmos that close your bread bags. I don’t know the name for those either.